Domain Registrar Secrets Revealed!

April 20, 2008 · Print This Article

Have you ever bothered to read the fine print in the agreement you entered into with your registrar? Chances are you haven’t, and quite honestly, until now, nor have I. Well, for some weekend fun, I decided to do this. Here’s what I found that my registrar was guaranteeing:

Thousands of customers have bought domains from us, partly because of our 7-Part Guarantee

When you register a domain with us, we promise you’ll receive…

1. The Highest Auth Code Security. We take security seriously. So seriously in fact, that we will make sure that you simply cannot obtain the auth codes for your domains. That way you can rest assured that your domain will never be transferred away. And if for some reason you actually do receive an auth code, we guarantee it will be wrong, adding a further level of security against domain transfers.

2. Customer Service. We guarantee that if you telephone us, you will never be on hold longer than 3 hours. That is, if the line doesn’t cut off suddenly before then. We also guarantee that the person you speak with will have studied English for at least one month and know what a domain is. And we promise to answer all emails we receive (unfortunately many seem to get lost) within at most one week.

3. Security Holds. If you even just correct a typo in your address, we will lock your domain for 60 days. It may be against ICANN rules to do this, but did you know that small whois changes are exactly how hackers go about stealing domains?

4. Land Rush Charges. If you are ordering a land rush domain, we guarantee we will charge you for placing the order – then not do anything to try to get the domain. Oh, and there are no refunds.

5. Guaranteed Renewals. You may have transferred all your domains away from us, but you can be sure that we will continue to charge your credit card for renewing your domains.

6. Full Support If Your Domain Is Stolen. We know that having your domain stolen is one of the most stressful and unpleasant things that can happen. Therefore, if your domain is stolen, we guarantee that we will provide you with a link to ICANN’s UDRP information. And, really, that’s about all we’ll do.

7. Intellectual Property Protection. We know how hard it is to come up with a great idea for a domain nowadays. So, if you find a great domain that hasn’t been registered, and decide not to register it right away, you can rest assured that we will register it so that no one else can. It’s just one of those things we do because we care. Oh, and because then you’ve got to come back to us to register it and pay our extortionate rates.

Disclaimer: if you haven’t guessed by now, this is just a humorous post. Enjoy your weekend.

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